The anthropologist Malinowski discovered many interesting aspects of the society of the Trobriands, part of the Solomon Islands of Melanesia.


One of the most curious customs was how children are brought up.   The parents remain their children's playmates throughout the early years and beyond.  All authority, all boundaries are set by the uncles, aunts and cousins of the children.  This notion runs counter to modern Western thinking, where parents are both the playmates and authority, and reject vehemently any outside criticism or interference in their parenting.  This creates a problem for the children.  One moment they are being hugged and told how much they are loved, and the next moment they are being shouted at by the same person, and told they are bad for transgressing a parental rule.  This 'angel/devil' approach helps create a psychological schism and can lead to all kinds of mental conflicts later on.


If the people who are your first guardians bring you up with unconditional love, while others impose the necessary discipline, these conflicting images of parents and oneself would not exist.
Some say that this creates two sets of people for the child - parents who are loved, and others who are hated.  But if restrictions on behaviour are administered with sense and sensitivity, the child will accept these boundaries more willingly than if they are enforced with threats and punishments.


The Trobriands are a much happier people than most of us Westerners are.  I believe it's all in the upbringing.